My Last Words Essay

I have not but my word and my able body. I am not a saint and sure as hell I have sinned, but I try to live true and within my means. Someone once told me that thoughts and feelings should be recorded by way of venting out my demons and exorcising my troubles away, not sure I fully understand how this works, but well I have some exorcising to do so here goes. Living with guilt is a terrible thing for any man. But when that guilt gets you all fired up inside and makes the nights restless, sleep lasts only an hour or two and that image of what you have done wrong is burning right behind the eyes, lets just say id turn to god if I only believed he would listen. You see I killed a man not through choice, if truth be told through lack of any other way I could see before me. I curse the day his Aunt Clara asked me to see him through. Lenny small, biggest damn guy I ever seen, Strongest too, but god played an awful trick and made him as dumb as hell, had the mind of an infant before the child learns what is right and what is wrong. A man like that is innocent of any crime he may commit due simply to the frailty of his mind. Those guys would have strung him up and tortured him. Lenny did not deserve to see it coming. Lenny broke the neck of the bosses daughter in law, least she would have been if she would of lived that long. She had no business being in that stable. As for Lenny the dumb bastard, just got to touch anything he finds pretty. It is my guess he was handling her too hard, scared her and to stop her from screaming out would of put his hand over her head and boom, she’s dead. His intentions were not evil but his act was. I prayed he would remember to meet me in the brush, my guilt for killing him is nothing compared to the guilt I would have had to endure watching him suffer at another mans hand. Just like old Candy and his dog, it was my job to put him down. Not that it makes it any the easier to live with I think this is the most I have been able to concentrate in the month since it happened. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, I just see his sorry ass lying on the floor dreaming of our very own plot of land. Truth is without Lenny I am nothing I have nothing, he was my friend and I killed him, doesn’t seem right I can draw my next breath. Boss damn near threw me off the ranch himself that day and swore id never â€Å"work a ranch in this country again†. To be honest life just isn’t the same without Lenny beside me. I think its time to meet my maker. Draw your own conclusions and treat this as you will. Beside this note is fifty bucks for my headstone, which I would like to read â€Å"here lies George Milton Who Loved His Friend† I apologise to whom ever finds my body, but know I can not take his torment and pain or this heinous world anymore. I only hope purgatory will eventually allow me peace.